Med Chronicles - Examssss bleh

I think I expected this year to change me.

I`ve always enjoyed Science, but I was hoping that having physiology and medical factuology bombarded at me 24/7 would leave me wanting more. I would walk in those doors, become elbow-deep in textbook and be completely inspired by my lecturers and classes that I`d become enamoured with medicine. Unlike undergrad where I was forced to memorize all 24 (26? Damnit.) amino acid structures, medical school would be different – it would be current, relevant, and serve no other purpose but to fuel my curiosity and purpose as a physician-to-be.

I’m not sure that is the case. I’ve realized that medical school, and perhaps medicine, in general, is very much grounded in the tried-and-true. Tradition conquers all because it has a history of “something”; and even mediocre data is better than no data.  It’s not hard to imagine why those few amazing minds become frustrated with the system. Somehow, innovation is always fighting to find its voice, only to be applauded after decades of scepticism. Semmelweiss was frickin’ put in a straightjacket for being a proponent of hand-washing! Why is that? Why is it so hard for “them” to let “us” do something good? Do something meaningful? And let us make-like-a-Gandhi and “be the change” that we want to be? Why even try?

For that reason, I think it’s easy to give up on medicine. That said, this year I’ve been reminded that it’s so much harder to give up on people when you just don’t want to. And I’m constantly re-realizing that medical school is not the “why” or the “what”, it’s merely the “how”. Medicine is the conduit for achieving what I want, which is to make people better. And that’s the thing, right? Nobody is just a person. Everyone is “somebody’s someone” and when we’re out there meeting someone’s mum, dad, child, friend- we sure as hell better deserve their trust. Medicine is an interesting field where trust is given to you in both hands, palms wide opened even before you ask. Unlike everything else in the profession- heck! in this world- it’s the part that comes easy. How counter-intuitive is that?

So maybe when someone trusts you, without hesitation, to make a difference in their LIFE, maybe it’s not totally unreasonable that medical school, and medicine, makes us play it safe. So at the very least, you can practice with the evidenced-based version of good. And maybe in the grand architecture of our lives as physicians, medicine takes up the parking lot that needs to be sketched in. It’s the thing you know won’t change and won’t disappear; you can park your car there, leave it, and feel safe knowing it’ll be there when you come back. We need parking lots so that we can go find the things that truly inspire us. In that way, I think I’ve grown an appreciation for that narrow path that medicine can sometimes be. In another light, the narrow path eventually pushes you off, as it should.

The only reason I came to BC is because I was born and raised in literally “the most boring city in North America”. And I thank my lucky stars every day that I grew up knowing that there must be more.  And now that I’m here, I was right. BC has been nothing short of all sorts of amazing.

This year has changed me and I continue to be hopeful for the ways in which medicine drives out the crazy, aka. the brilliance, in people.  Teeeeheee

an irrelevant picture of soap fruit. so cute though!